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Book Club Day 11: Taking Every Thought Captive

Mon, 2014-12-01 05:00 -- Jocelyn Green
[[{"type":"media", "view_mode":"media_large", "fid":"1093", "attributes":{"class":"media-image alignleft size-full wp-image-2413", "typeof":"foaf:Image", "style":"", "width":"284", "height":"423", "alt":"black-woman-and-Bible"}}]]Welcome to the Faith Deployed...Again online book club, Day 11! (Not sure what this is all about? Click here.) In Your Book: Before we begin, please turn in your copy of Faith Deployed...Again to page 146 and read "Placing Our Identities in Christ" by Jill Hart. (If you don't have a book, don't go away! We'd love to have you join us for this discussion anyway!) Now Let's Talk: Today's discussion is led by Jill Hart. In "Placing Our Identities in Christ," I give two suggestions for how we can daily live as children of God, keeping in mind that our "identity rests not in what you do, or what ID badge you carry in your purse, but it's found in Christ and the sacrifice He made for our sins." The suggestions I gave were: 1. Know what the Bible says. Reading from God's Word each day is a graet way to learn more about our Creator and our identity as God's child. 2. Take captive every thought. When those negative thoughts begin popping up ("God could never love you," "You're no good,") stop them in their tracks. Recite one of the verses above and remind yourself that it's what God says that matters. Today I want to explore this concept of taking every thought captive. This phrase comes from 2 Corinthians 10:5, which says: "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." So what does that really mean? It means make sure that what you're thinking lines up with biblical truth. Now let's look at what this means on a practical level. Do you ever catch yourself being critical … of yourself? Most of us strive to be kind to others – to follow the “Golden Rule.” We know that our mother’s admonishment of “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all” applies to what we say to those around us. But, when it comes to ourselves we are our own harshest critic. We also have an enemy that is skilled at finding our weakest points and whispering those things to us repeatedly. “God could never really love you.” “You’re not good enough.” “You should avoid disappointment and just quit now.” We wrestle through our days trying to work despite these debilitating thoughts. We trudge through life living as if these statements were true. But they are not true. In fact, God’s Word tells us the opposite: We cannot be separated from the love of God (Romans 8:31-39) We are free from condemnation (Romans 8:1-2) We can be confident that God will complete the good work He started in me (Philippians 3:20) I get caught in this trap over and over. And over and over I go and sit at the feet of Jesus and ask Him to fill me with His truth once again. And He does. Every time. When those negative thoughts begin sprouting in your mind, stop them in their tracks with the Word of God. Recite one of the verses above. Take confidence in the fact that it’s what God says that matters. Discuss: What are the most common thoughts you need to "take captive" in your own mind? What Scripture verses are your favorites to refute the lies Satan would have you believe?

Book Club Day 10: When you just can't hang on anymore

Tue, 2014-11-25 05:00 -- Jocelyn Green
[[{"type":"media", "view_mode":"media_large", "fid":"1092", "attributes":{"class":"media-image alignleft size-full wp-image-2409", "typeof":"foaf:Image", "style":"", "width":"283", "height":"424", "alt":"Umbrella storm girl"}}]]Welcome to the Faith Deployed...Again online book club, Day 10! (Not sure what this is all about? Click here.) In Your Book: Before we begin, please turn in your copy of Faith Deployed...Again to page 136 and read "Out of the Darkness" by Alane Pearce. (If you don't have a book, don't go away! We'd love to have you join us for this discussion anyway!) Now Let's Talk: Today's discussion is led by Alane Pearce. I wrote "Out of the Darkness" about a five-year period of my life when I lost seven early pregnancies, nearly died twice from internal bleeding and lost our two-week old son when he died from a severe heart defect. So be prepared! Today we’re going to talk about some hard stuff...and some things you can do to get through it. (Even if you haven’t gone through tragedy in your life, please keep reading. Chances are there is a woman in your life who might need to hear encouragement from you.) What happens when your whole life becomes an ...Again? When challenges keep coming up or your circumstances stay the same even after you’ve pleaded with God every day for relief. When the grief remains despite trying everything you know for help. When the depression lingers on. Maybe you’ve been through too many deployments. Or another move in less than a year. Or you are struggling in your marriage. Maybe, like me, you’ve lost babies you’ve never held, or a child who died before their time. Maybe your husband didn’t come back from the war, or he’s dealing with physical/emotional injuries from his time in combat. [Tweet "What happens when you just can’t hold on anymore?"] What happens when you just can’t hold on anymore? When bad things keep happening and you lose hope? When you can’t stay positive because you’re just so tired of fighting? That happened to me when month after month, we tried to start our family and month after month we were met with tragedy--for five consecutive years. My friends said, “Wow, God sure owes you a blessing for what you’re going through!” My family said, “Keep trying! It will happen!” And I sat in the house in tears, despairing over my life and struggling to get out of bed each morning. One day was particularly rough. My husband had just deployed to Bosnia, and I was in the middle of my sixth miscarriage. I arrived at church to find out it was communion day. I sat in the back and thought about how I felt abandoned by God. How day after day I prayed for a child, and month after month he denied me or took them away. I left in the middle of the service because I no longer believed God was there for me. Here’s the thing about faith struggles: They can only be worked out between you and God. People can offer advice, Scriptures and comfort, but in the end you have to wrestle it out with God himself. That’s why its so important to continue to talk to him. Even when you’re mad. He’s big enough to handle your toughest questions and harshest anger (I’m sure in the history of time there is little he hasn’t heard). “Why didn’t you heal Andrew?” I’d yell at God. He’d reply some time in the next few days with a verse or a song that had his answer. I found that even in my anger, the more I talked to God the more he answered. The more I opened my Bible, the more I’d find comfort and peace in his word. One day I heard on the news that a teenage girl left her newborn in a trash can and a mother in the Midwest who drowned her three children in the bathtub. I railed out at God again. “Why did you give children to them but not me?” I cried. He gently answered with Proverbs 23:17-18; “Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the Lord. There is surely a future and hope for you and your hope will not be cut off.” The margins of my Bible started filling up with questions to God and his answers to me. Do you know how much I’m hurting, Lord? sits in the margin next to Psalms 56:8 “Record my lament; list my tears on your scroll--are they not in your record?” Why is there so much pain and death in my life? If you really love me, God, why do I hurt so badly? I wrote. Every time I opened my Bible in the following weeks, I saw messages of healing and hope from God. He patiently showed me that my loss was not because he doesn’t love me, but because there is sin and death in our world. The more I sought his face, the more the darkness surrounding me lifted. His answers were very personal to me, addressing my pain where it was and offering healing with his words of love. It took me seven months of wrestling with God before I could see that even in my loss, he was always there offering his love and strength so I could endure. I could finally write in the margin of my Bible; Let your purpose for me prevail! “I know now, Lord why you utter no answer. You yourself are the answer. Before your face, questions die away. What other word would suffice?” -C.S. Lewis in Till We Have Faces [Tweet "God doesn’t leave us when we are downtrodden."] God doesn’t leave us when we are downtrodden. We usually turn away from him because we can’t understand what he intends to accomplish through our trials. See for yourself! The Bible is filled with God telling us, I am with you...I will not leave you nor forsake you. God has not abandoned you. He is simply waiting for you to call to him...again. Seek his face, search his word, then you will find answers to your questions and the strength to face your challenges, even if they come...again. Discuss: Is there a verse, chapter or book of the Bible that helps you get through times of trial? What would you write in the margin next to that verse?

Book Club Day 9: On what side of the tomb are you?

Mon, 2014-11-24 05:00 -- Jocelyn Green
[[{"type":"media", "view_mode":"media_large", "fid":"1091", "attributes":{"class":"media-image alignleft size-full wp-image-2374", "typeof":"foaf:Image", "style":"", "width":"283", "height":"424", "alt":"coffee and laptop"}}]]Welcome to the Faith Deployed...Again online book club, Day 9! (Not sure what this is all about? Click here.) In Your Book: Before we begin, please turn in your copy of Faith Deployed...Again to page 132 and read "Roll the Stone Away" by Jill Bozeman. (If you don't have a book, don't go away! We'd love to have you join us for this discussion anyway!) Now Let's Talk: Today's discussion is led by Jill Bozeman. The Army will send you where you don’t want to go and the timing is often… well, not yours! And unless you understand and trust that it is the Lord alone that orders your steps (Psalm 37:23), you might end up like I did; in doubt and unbelief, isolated and depressed. Yup! I said it, D-E-P-R-E-S-S-E-D, “depressed”! And, if you come from where I come from, you know Believer’s aren’t to be depressed! We are to be victorious! So…heap on top of the original hurt, guilt and shame, and we have all the ingredients for that enemy of ours to cook up a wicked plan! In 2005, I was a youth pastor, a department leader, a Bible teacher to adults. I was for all intents and purposes, in full-time ministry to our Lord Jesus Christ. My life was glorious!!!! I was preaching and teaching, involved in inter-church programs, reaching the community and seeing daily the fruit of my labor. My relationships were healthy and I knew that I knew, that I knew, I was in God’s perfect will for my life! Talk about heaven on earth?! And then….we received orders: And not the good kind. That’s right, recruiting duty. Recruiting duty is much like depression, you can’t possibly know unless you’ve experienced it! And I was about to learn both lessons at once! I went from “full-speed ahead” in ministry to a dead-stop, at our new assignment. We were in a new church, a new community, a new spiritual culture where no one spoke my language (figuratively speaking, of course). My head was spinning, and after the confusion and the sadness subsided, I was just plain mad! I knew better than to be mad at God, but wasn’t sure where to turn with the disappointment. I mistakenly thought I had been at the pentacle of a Christian life of service, and anything less than that was some sort of failure. Did you know that depression is anger turned inward? I isolated myself from those who knew me, so no one knew I was in this pit. And I certainly wasn’t going to let anyone know because, after all, faith-people aren’t supposed to be depressed! I’ve heard the religious pronouncements, and probably uttered them myself, toward those suffering from depression. So, I sealed the tomb for fear of judgment! I now know that self-pity and depression are two completely different things. A person who is in a depression has been deceived by the enemy, lured into trap, and then ambushed. Much like the wounded man on the road to Samaria, who needed more than just a jolly word of encouragement, offered in his direction, he needed HELP! He needed a rescuer, or he would die in that ditch! (Luke 10:30-37) Telling a person in the tomb of depression and isolation, so to speak, to “get up, or shake it off” is like telling a quadriplegic to pull himself out of a pit. It is obvious that someone will need to rescue him: throw him over his shoulder and carry him out! Which side of the tomb are you on? Are you a quadriplegic, hopeless and without strength inside the tomb? Or are you walking safely in the sunshine, on the other side of the road entirely? If you are inside the tomb, I have the best news EVER!!! Jesus is on the OUTSIDE! In fact, He’s seated at the right hand of the Father, on the edge of His seat, waiting for you to call on Him in faith and He will leap to your rescue! I called to Him from the pit, “Lord, I’m in this pit! I am cut off at the knees! I don’t have the strength or the will to crawl out. Have mercy on me! Send HELP!” Day by day, I would say to the Lord, “Lord, I cannot do this! If it is going to be done, it will be YOU and YOU alone!” Slowly, I began to see the light break at the edge of the stone, until finally, it was rolled away, and I was standing in the fullness of the light of the Son, once again! You may never have been in that pit. You may have stayed as far away from that tomb as you could possibly stand! And I’m certainly glad of that!!! But, did you know that Jesus may want to send you in as a rescuer? To help those who’ve been deceived and left to die? If we stand outside of the tomb, yet are disconnected from the community around us, we are much like the priest in the story of the Good Samaritan, who walked over to the other side of the road, so he didn’t have to see the wounded man, and be bothered with involving himself. But God has made us, each, parts of His Body, working together to bring help and healing to those who are hurting all around us! And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8 Discuss: Is it easier for you to isolate yourself or to reach out for help and community when the going gets rough? What can you do to reach out to someone who might be isolated right now?

Book Club Day 8: Filling the Void

Thu, 2014-11-20 05:00 -- Jocelyn Green
[[{"type":"media", "view_mode":"media_large", "fid":"796", "attributes":{"class":"media-image alignleft size-full wp-image-1073", "typeof":"foaf:Image", "style":"", "width":"204", "height":"336", "alt":"FaithDeployedAgain_cover204"}}]]Welcome to the Faith Deployed...Again online book club, Day 8! (Not sure what this is all about? Click here.) In Your Book: Before we begin, please turn in your copy of Faith Deployed...Again to page 126 and read "Filling the Void" by Sherry Lightner with Jocelyn Green. (If you don't have a book, don't go away! We'd love to have you join us for this discussion anyway!) Now Let's Talk: Today's discussion is led by Sherry Lightner. In "Filling the Void",  I shared with you my attempt to fill a hole in my heart by having another baby. But that’s not the only way we can try to fill that emptiness. In fact, it’s not even the only way I tried to fill it, myself. During our tender years of marriage, I am humbled to say our home was alcohol-free. Prior to yielding our lives to Christ, my husband and I both gravitated to this form of substance abuse as a means of escape, to fill the void. As we delved into the Scriptures the Holy Spirit began to transform our hearts. We no longer had a need for escape, for by His grace we were set free from this bondage, to walk in newness of life. “Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead through glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life.” Romans 6:4 When my husband re-enlisted in the Army National Guard, I struggled, my insecurities were heightened; my weaknesses resurfaced, I once again wanted to escape. I fed into my weakness by reaching for a drink, but it didn’t satisfy. Instead, as I mentioned in my devotional, “I gained an insatiable desire to have a fourth child to fill the emptiness within.” But this, too, did not fill the aching emptiness I felt in my early years of being a military wife. I knew the Lord was the only one who could fill this void, but I was stubborn. With a glass of wine or mixed drink in one hand and my Bible in the other, I grappled with this call to serve and wondered, “Why me Lord, why me?” In my futile attempt to mask the pain; my feelings of loneliness, isolation and fear, escalated; even as I immersed myself in God’s Word. I had turned back to the weak and miserable habits that had enslaved me so long ago. Galatians 4:9 But God knew and understood my heart struggle just as He did Paul’s and the churches in Southern Galatia. The hole within my heart was a God-shaped hole, a hole only He would fill. And He did! On a cold, emotional, sleepless night in February, I turned back to God and pleaded for His forgiveness. The apostle John wrote, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9 In my confession, I actively yielded my life back to God with every ounce of alcohol that was poured down the drain that night. By His grace, and my tears, God brought healing and restoration to my soul. I was, once again, set free from this bondage, to walk in newness of life. As I reflect back on this season, I can see the slow fade, the deterioration that took place in our home, in our marriage, the moment we allowed alcohol back in our home. Alcohol is a depressant. It hindered heart to heart communication and broke down the unity within our marriage. It influenced our children’s behaviors and heightened their insecurities as we served on the home front. Today, more than ten years later, our home is, once again, alcohol free, thanks to God’s faithfulness. 1 Thessalonians 5:24 Marshele Carter Waddell says to those of us serving on the home front: "We are tempted to turn to self-medicating ourselves, self- medicating the pain whether that means alcohol, pills, sex outside of marriage that's what it looks like." [Tweet "We are tempted to turn to self-medicating ourselves.""] It’s a slow fade when we give ourselves away to the things of this world. We are left empty and unsatisfied. But we don’t have to accept it, for God has provided a way out. “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13 Take a moment to view this video below, “Slow Fade” by Casting Crowns. Warning: You may want to grab a Kleenex. I have yet to be able to listen to this without tears. There are many military wives among us who are struggling to fill the void and/or even watching their husbands going through this, as well. If you are among this group of ladies, “Do not fear or be discouraged…for the battle is not yours but God’s.” 2 Chronicles 20:15 Hold fast to the eternal hope found in God’s Word. There is a light at the end of this struggle. His name is Jesus. John 8:12 [Tweet "There is a light at the end of this struggle."] Discuss: What are some ways you have tried to fill the void, or some ways you have seen others try to fill the void? What is a better way to handle the emptiness you feel inside?

Book Club Day 7: Broken and Alone...Again

Wed, 2014-11-19 05:00 -- Jocelyn Green
[[{"type":"media", "view_mode":"media_large", "fid":"1090", "attributes":{"class":"media-image alignleft size-medium wp-image-2398", "typeof":"foaf:Image", "style":"", "width":"200", "height":"300", "alt":"womanatlake"}}]]Welcome to the Faith Deployed...Again online book club, Day 7! (Not sure what this is all about? Click here.) In Your Book: Before we begin, please turn in your copy of Faith Deployed...Again to page 82 and read "Broken and Alone" by Catherine Fitzgerald. (If you don't have a book, don't go away! We'd love to have you join us for this discussion anyway!) Now Let's Talk: Today's discussion is led by Catherine Fitzgerald. It’s incredible to see God’s faithfulness come full circle in our darkest of times. When I wrote this devotional about a season over a year and a half ago, I was coming off the heels of two miscarriages and in the throes of our fourth deployment. Now, as I sit writing this post, I am seven months pregnant, with my husband having left just three days ago for yet another deployment. It seems that God has healed the very thing that shattered me when I wrote this devotional, but still this past month my mind has been racing with fears and “what ifs” at the impending difficulties of a newborn child being born with daddy gone and being a single parent again to my four year old and this new life. I may not be wounded in the same way as before, but I find myself “broken and alone” in a different set of circumstances. [Tweet "Trials and difficult times can come from places of gladness as much as they can from places of sorrow."] Fortunately, God has been doing a mighty work within me through His word as I prepare for another season of trials. Brokenness doesn’t always come from painful things, sometimes it can come from the good things as well: the gifts, the blessings, the joys. Ask any mother about this truth, childbirth alone is a testament to this fact. What God has been revealing to me is that trials and difficult times can come from places of gladness as much as they can from places of sorrow. James acknowledged this connection between joy and pain: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” (James 1:2-3 NIV) The word “trials” come from the Greek peirasmos, which means the, “adversity, affliction, trouble: sent by God and serving to test or prove one's character, faith, holiness (Strongs, G3986).” James knew these tests would come in various packages, both those of blessing and sadness. So, how does the joy unmask itself out of the troubles, adversities and affliction that God sends our way? My own trials have shown me that the joy isn’t in the actual hardship that comes along with the trying times. No, joy that revels in one’s own pain is self-destructive and unhealthy. The joy James is referring to is revealed when we realize that God’s allowing of trouble is His way to tell us that He loves us too much to leave us in our present state. You see, constantly waging war within us is our fleshly desires battling against our desire to live our lives according to the precepts of God’s word (See Romans 7:14-24). The trials, the difficulties, the sorrows, and the blessings that bring about tough terrain in our lives are designed to mold and shape our faith and character into what God desires it to be. [Tweet "The glorious riches God has for us cannot sink deep down within our souls until the impurities rise up so that He can take them away."] As Proverbs 17:3 says, “The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but the LORD tests the heart.” The beautiful, pure precious metals are not seen until intense heat is applied. The same is true in our hearts. The glorious riches God has for us cannot sink deep down within our souls until the impurities rise up so that He can take them away. And until we arrive into our eternal home, this process will be a permanent one in our lives. As I sit alone in the midst of another trial, a point of brokenness that comes from an incredible blessing, God continuously reminds me of how quick I am to get comfortable in times where no hardship exists. I get lazy in my faith. I get complacent in my character. And my God cares way too much about those things and about me to allow that to happen. The next seven months are going to require a constant communication and relationship with my Heavenly Father. It’s going to require an endless stream of grace and mercy that can only flow from His outstretched hands. So many times we fight our broken and alone times when instead we should be embracing them with a joy that knows our Father is working for us and in us. Discuss: Trials are constant. They come in many forms. What trials do you currently find yourself facing? Are they the result of a blessing or a sorrow? Do you find yourself both broken and alone in this moment? While neither His thoughts are comparable to ours nor His ways our own, how might He be trying to test and refine your character, faith and/or holiness in these trials? What area of your life or faith is in need of transformation? Pray: Lord, while it is hard to endure the difficulties that come in this life, I know that ultimately they will grow me in ways only You can imagine. Give me the faith that trusts in you at all times. Give me a joy that relishes the opportunities to be drawn nearer to You and deeper into fellowship with You. In Your precious name, Amen.

Book Club Day 6: Reconnecting During Reintegration

Tue, 2014-11-18 05:00 -- Jocelyn Green
[[{"type":"media", "view_mode":"media_large", "fid":"1089", "attributes":{"class":"media-image wp-image-2392 size-medium", "typeof":"foaf:Image", "style":"", "width":"199", "height":"300", "alt":"GaryandBarbRosberg"}}]] Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg   Welcome to the Faith Deployed...Again online book club, Day Six! (Not sure what this is all about? Click here.) In Your Book: Before we begin, please turn in your copy of Faith Deployed...Again to page 74 and read "Two Are Better Than One" by Sarah Ball to get you thinking about issues related to reintegration. (If you don't have a book, don't go away! We'd love to have you join us for this discussion anyway!) Now Let's Talk: I've invited a special guest to lead today's discussion. Thank you to author and psychologist Dr. Gary Rosberg, of America's Family Coaches for the following insights into the topic of reintegration: “Gary and Barb, I want you to imagine spending a year without putting your kids to bed with night time prayers, celebrating Christmas morning worshiping and looking into the faces of those you love dearly, night after night of sleeping without your life time partner, preparing meals for one less significant person and turning your head to laugh, smile, share painful emotions or celebrate life with your spouse.” That, according to Retired Brigadier General Martin Graber, is the plight of the military families that we had been called to serve. It was 2006 and it was my first discussion getting a glimpse into the reality of military families during the separation of a deployment. The General’s comments got me hooked, and almost six years later we are still serving military families before, during and after deployment. And every time I look into the faces of you who serve, I am overwhelmed with gratitude and yet a bit stunned with just how you do it…day after day…month after month. While we were coaching military families at conferences and distributing 17,000 resources to support you all, we learned a few coaching tips that we believe can help you sharpen your serve of reconnecting during reintegration. [Tweet "Affirm before your spouse, your family and your Lord that we will not even utter the word, divorce."] 1. Plan prior to your deployment that the “D” word is off the table. I recently spoke with an Army Chaplain who shared with me that almost 50% of his brigade divorced in the last four years since returning home. One military marriage lost breaks my heart. His comment sent me reeling. Part of the solution is to affirm before your spouse, your family and your Lord that we will not even utter the word, divorce. What we will proclaim is that our marriage, although strained, will get to the other side and remain standing after deployment. Easy? Not in my estimation, but Barb often reminds me that Gary, you walk better with a limp. In other words, embrace the pain of the reality of how hard it is and rely on God, leaning into Him for strength as you persevere. 2. Persevering, although admirable, however, is not enough. We would also coach you to press into each other and Jesus during your reintegration forging a relationship of three. How? Consistently (daily whenever possible) pray together. We coach couples, military and civilian, to practice conversational prayer. How does it work? It isn’t preaching a three point sermon, guys, or ladies, laying out your wish list in the form of a prayer with your husband listening in. Instead literally share one sentence prayers of adoration of God, petition of needs or confessions of hard heartedness to God rotating from spouse to spouse. Just go back and forth a few times, thank God, end your prayer and celebrate that you DID IT! You prayed together — as elusive as that sometimes can be. Practice this regularly, not legalistically, but with grace on a consistent basis and watch your marriage grow. 3. Third, now that you have committed to staying and you are connecting in prayer, connect to each other. Grab a few minutes, a couple of chairs, face each other, turn off anything that plugs in or runs on a battery (all technology) and give each other your undivided attention for up to twenty minutes. Why? It will give you the husband and wife connection that will lead you to a great marriage experience. Twenty minutes a day (again not legalistically but consistently) will give you the foundation and the setting to connect, share, listen, learn, show compassion and love and grow in your marriage. Share about your day, your thoughts, needs and yes men, even your feelings. Take a shot at it and call me in the morning to tell me how you are feeling. Okay, don’t really call but email me at gary@afcoaches.com and let me know if this works! 4. As you persevere, connect to Christ; connect to each other, next boundary up! Barb and I call this guarding love. What does it mean? It admits that no matter how committed you are to each other and your marriage you have an enemy prowling at the door looking for someone to devour. My friend Dr. Howard Hendricks at Dallas Theological Seminary says, “the enemy will lie in wait for forty years to find the weak spot in the armor of a man. Just when you think you have the Christian walk buttoned down, Satan will come after you like a scud missile, take you out and then lie to you and tell you there is no hope for your restoration.” Two thoughts, friends. The first is I think it applies to women as well. Secondly, don’t get sucker punched into believing this lie. Are you vulnerable and at risk? Yes! But if you know Christ as your Lord and Savior you also have the power of the Holy Spirit to resist and also experience forgiveness when you stumble. Guard up! [Tweet "Be the first one to forgive."] 5. And lastly, if you want to have a successful reintegration, keep your heart tender and broken before Christ. Be the first one to forgive, to release your spouse for whatever it is that the enemy is allowing to be empowered to kill your marriage and harden your heart. I will often ask at marriage conferences have you ever had a hard heart? Heads nod throughout the venues…including mine. But I also know that a hard heart precedes isolation, withdrawal, toxic emotions and breakdown of the walls protecting your military marriage. What is the antidote? Let go. Surrender. Forgive. Be the first one to move toward your spouse and purpose to close the loop. Love your spouse the way Christ loves them. Unconditionally. Without reservation. Are there consequences to the offenses that occurred during deployment? Yes. Do they take time to heal? Yes. But when you choose to love again, when you choose to be like Jesus with skin on, when you choose to forgive you set a prisoner free to learn you have been the prisoner (Lewis Smedes great insight). Barb and I honor you as a military family. We applaud you for sacrificing and serving our great country and carrying the freedom of our nation on your backs. But I also plead with you; don’t let your family be a casualty of your service. Fight for your marriage and your family. And if you need help, America’s Family Coaches is here to lift up your arms. You are our heroes. Guard your hearts, Gary Rosberg Discuss: What is your biggest challenge during reintegration? Tell us one thing Dr. Rosberg shared today that you will try to implement in your own lives.

Book Club Day 5: Marriage Across the Miles

Mon, 2014-11-17 05:00 -- Jocelyn Green
[[{"type":"media", "view_mode":"media_large", "fid":"1088", "attributes":{"class":"media-image alignleft size-medium wp-image-2375", "typeof":"foaf:Image", "style":"", "width":"300", "height":"208", "alt":"laptop-love"}}]]Welcome to the Faith Deployed...Again online book club, Day Five! (Not sure what this is all about? Click here.) In Your Book: Before we begin, please turn in your copy of Faith Deployed...Again to page 64 and read "Loving Without Seeing" by Linda Montgomery. (If you don't have a book, don't go away! We'd love to have you join us for this discussion anyway!) Now Let's Talk: Today's discussion is led by Linda Montgomery. “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1 There is a sentence in “Loving Without Seeing” which continues to stir my thoughts: “Perhaps a married couple experiencing deployment is the closest picture of a Christian’s faith.” In telling the story of my newlywed friends geographically separated by deployment, I compared their experience to lessons in faith. As they diligently kept journals of their fears and concerns, their lessons, their hopes and dreams . . . their thoughts, they were demonstrating belief that each other existed and cared deeply about what they were each going through. They demonstrated trust and faithfulness in their covenant relationship and longed for the day when they could be together again. Even though they did not see each other for six months while he served aboard a submarine without phone or internet, they put pen to paper in journals shared when they eventually reunited. The comparison we can make in this faith lesson is summarized in my statement: “Doesn’t that sound like what we do as Christians? We have faith in an unseen God. We know His character, we know that He loves us, and we trust Him to forgive us and care about us as we grow in grace. We know that He wants to hear from us in prayer—to hear what we are thinking, feeling, and learning from His Word. We know that He has promised to return, and we cling to that promise. We know that life as we see it now is only a foretaste of life to come and we have hope.” (p. 64,65) That’s trust. Recently, the Lord gave me another comparison between military deployment and life on this earth until, as believers, we are re-deployed to heaven to be with Him forever. The comparison takes me back a long ways—to our one-year separation during the Vietnam War. I was very young at the time, and we did not have any children. So our decision as to where I would live while my husband was gone was simplified somewhat by our circumstances. I decided to set a goal: return to college and complete a graduate degree. I found a school which had a 13-month program . . . I applied, was accepted, found a job, and the military moved us. It sounds easy now, but it wasn’t. The classes were very difficult and I was so lonely in that small town. Most people there, including the other students, were baffled by my status of “married, but alone” . . . and had no real understanding of the war or its sacrifices. It was hard work. But my husband and I wrote every day. We numbered the envelopes because so often the letters would get jumbled in their delivery—and sometimes stories wouldn’t make sense because critical information was missing from the day, or week, before in an out-of-cycle letter. We made cassette voice recordings for each other, which was a new gadget at that time. We sent each other packages when we could. In other words, we worked at our relationship. Looking back, it was hard work but it was worth it. The degree I received (taking final exams during re-integration is also hard!) was very helpful in the years to come in getting jobs. The experience that we had of communicating while separated set the stage for increased trust and confidence for the many other times of separation during my husband’s military career. Until Christ returns or until we die, one of the things we are to do is to work while we watch and we wait. The bottom line is—we prayed, set goals and we worked at it. We worked at our jobs and we worked at our relationship. I believe it’s the same for Christians on earth. Until Christ returns or until we die, one of the things we are to do is to work while we watch and we wait. Work to develop our spiritual gifts . . . work in service to one another . . . work to grow in grace . . . always for His glory. We are not working for salvation—that part is a free gift, totally dependent on His grace. But as we deepen our relationship with Him, He will reveal so much of His character and love. Sounds like marriage . . . sounds like Love. So I believe that just as we are not to waste our time on earth until we see Christ face-to-face, we have the opportunity not to waste our time of deployment. When I see couples being intentional about their time apart by setting goals to work at their love relationship, or possibly developing a new skill, memorizing Scripture, going on a trip—perhaps even a mission trip, getting new training, finishing a much-desired project, spending more time in prayer, keeping a journal or scrapbook, . . . whatever the Lord leads them to do . . . I affirm them for their faithful diligence and their wise use of time. No excuses—they make the most of the opportunities, however difficult. Even this evening we had dinner with a family—the Air Force husband is leaving Saturday to be an I.A. with the Army in Afghanistan. I asked his wife, “Do you have a goal for this deployment?” She replied, “Honestly, last deployment I just wanted to survive (with 4 kids). And I did. This deployment I want to make the effort to thrive. I have signed up for a new weekly Bible study at my church. It’s going to take some study and homework, but I think it will be good for me.” I agree. A good marriage takes hard work—at communicating, at unselfishness, at romance—and with God it is possible to overcome obstacles even as complicated as deployment. As encouraging as this statement was tonight, I realize how easy it is to make excuses. For example, when The Love Dare (from the movie Fireproof) came out, my husband and I often heard, “I really need to do The Love Dare, but I can’t because we’re not together.” That really got to me, and I was determined to offer an alternative. I believe that having a good marriage takes hard work—at communicating, at unselfishness, at romance—and with God it is possible to overcome obstacles even as complicated as deployment. So I got creative and envisioned just how a military member and spouse would accomplish the forty days of The Love Dare while geographically separated by deployment (understanding that this is not possible in combat situations). The result? The Deployment Dare. All forty days (on the sidebar of www.ExcellentOrPraiseworthy.org), perfectly mirror the dares in The Love Dare, but designed by the Holy Spirit to meet the challenges of separation head-on. Does it work? Only if you work at it. Here is a dramatic testimony from a reader: “My wife did The Deployment Dare for me last deployment to Afghan and it really changed our stale disconnected relationship to a vibrant one in 40 days. I had no idea she was doing it and by the time she was done with it our conversations were Greatly changed! We went from “Hi”, “now what”, “I don’t know”, “how are you” . . . to loving conversations about our future together and our children we were going to have and our home we were going to build. Now one year later we have the Deployment Love Dare to thank for our home we built which we would have never talked about, our new baby boy that was definitely not in the cards before we learned to successfully communicate, and a much stronger relationship. Please, if you haven’t tried this You Need To!!!!” Part of loving without seeing is believing by faith, and I believe that you have a fighting chance to work at your marriage while you are apart. It’s like working on your relationship with God with gratitude until He calls you home—the effort has eternal rewards! Loving Without Seeing? Have faith. Discuss: 1. What goal could you set to work at during this deployment—or during this next year? 2. In what ways could doing The Love Dare or The Deployment Dare help your marriage?

Book Club Day 4: The Ritual of Responsibility

Thu, 2014-11-13 05:00 -- Jocelyn Green
[[{"type":"media", "view_mode":"media_large", "fid":"1087", "attributes":{"class":"media-image size-medium wp-image-2385", "typeof":"foaf:Image", "style":"", "width":"300", "height":"200", "alt":"Leeana Tankersley"}}]] Leeana Tankersley   Welcome to the Faith Deployed...Again online book club, Day Four! (Not sure what this is all about? Click here.) In Your Book: Before we begin, please turn in your copy of Faith Deployed...Again to page 36 and read "Rethinking my Rituals" by Leeana Tankersley. (If you don't have a book, don't go away! We'd love to have you join us for this discussion!) Now Let's Talk: Today's discussion is led by Leeana Tankersley. One of my most toxic go-to rituals is blame. I have somehow convinced myself that placing blame on others will make me feel better. -If my kids would just give me a break and play quietly, then I wouldn’t have to yell. -If my husband would realize how tired I am, then he wouldn’t ask me “what’s for dinner” right when he walks in the door, and I wouldn’t get so angry at him. -If this tour wasn’t so demanding, then I could be happy. Rehearsing in my head how the angst I’m feeling is entirely someone else’s doing, someone else’s problem, allows me to never have to take personal responsibility for my feelings and, therefore, what I do with those feelings. This is the behavior of an addict. Isn’t that hard to hear? But it’s true. Addicts say, if other people weren’t so difficult, if I wasn’t so misunderstood, if life wasn’t so hard, then I wouldn’t have to drink. Soon after I became a mother (my initiation into motherhood came in the form of boy/girl twins), I was barraged with a restless, despairing angst. Because I wasn’t blissed out at every possible moment of motherhood, the toxic voices in my head began reminding me that “good women love motherhood” and “good women are happy” and “good women can handle it all.” Clearly, I was not one of the “good women.” This whole scenario was a recipe for emotional disaster. While I didn’t pick up a drug habit, I did see that my emotional rituals—like blaming—were just as addicting and just as destructive. Toxic rituals of thinking lead to toxic rituals of behavior. [Tweet "Though I wanted to blame everyone else, my deepest dissatisfaction was with myself."] I also saw that though I wanted to blame everyone else, my deepest dissatisfaction was with myself. That reality was almost impossible to admit and confront because it was so deeply painful. I mentioned in my devotional “Rethinking My Rituals” that the 12-step program, Emotions Anonymous (http://www.emotionsanonymous.org/ ), has been of some help to me as I try to cope with the moment-by-moment realities of motherhood and military life. EA is a program for anyone who suffers from depression, anger, broken or strained relationships, grief, anxiety, low self-esteem, panic, abnormal fears, resentment, jealousy, guilt, despair, fatigue, tension, boredom, loneliness, withdrawal, obsessive and negative thinking, worry, compulsive behavior and a variety of other emotional issues. Much of what has been helpful to me in the 12-step program is the relentless emphasis on taking responsibility for myself. Stop blaming others for my problems. Stop expecting others to rescue me from my unhappiness. Stop waiting for circumstances to change in order to begin living. Once I admitted that my inner life had become out of control, and I stopped expecting everyone else to solve that problem for me, I was able to come to Christ with my true self. Step 2 states, “We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” I began to internalize the truth that only Christ can bring the dead back to life. Only Christ saves. I cannot blame others when they aren’t able to resurrect me out of my soul death. And I cannot blame myself for being human, not God. Six months ago, we PCSed to the Middle East. Making an international move with two 2 ½ year old toddlers (while newly pregnant with our third) was a true test of my emotional health. The first couple of months we were here, I was on the verge of panic at some points. Yet, if I could slow myself down enough to bring my true self to Christ—if that could become my default ritual in the middle of such a big, angst-filled mess—tiny beams of hope somehow showed up. I remember taking my kids to preschool and then spending the entire time they were gone pouring out my heart, crying three straight hours sometimes. I would use those mornings to filet myself open before Christ and ask him to come into my feelings of self-contempt and exhaustion. In those tear-filled mornings, life would begin again. I could breathe again. All because I didn’t blame, but instead, I chose to take personal responsibility for my feelings and for my own health . . . laying it all at the feet of Christ my comforter. I don’t have to live as if I am a victim to the behavior and choices of those around me or to the circumstances I find myself in. As we begin the New Year, I am committed more than ever to the ritual of taking personal responsibility for my health, especially my emotional health. I don’t have to live as if I am a victim to the behavior and choices of those around me or to the circumstances I find myself in. As I wrote in “Rethinking My Rituals:” “God desires freedom for all of us, a life that is more than numbing and escaping. A full life. We cannot lead a full life if we are constantly looking for ways to flatline our hearts and souls” (37). Part of living a fully alive life is waking up to the fact that I do have choices. I cannot control everyone and everything—in fact, there’s very little I can control completely—but I have a choice in what I will do with my feelings every day. As the serenity prayer says, “God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. I am praying for us all that we would practice the great disciplines of acceptance and courage and that these practices would lead us to constructive, not destructive, rituals. May we find ourselves—again and again—at the feet of Christ this year. Discuss: What resonates with you most from this post? Where do you see yourself in my story?

Book Club Day 3: Control and Fear

Wed, 2014-11-12 05:00 -- Jocelyn Green
[[{"type":"media", "view_mode":"media_large", "fid":"1085", "attributes":{"class":"media-image alignleft size-full wp-image-2376", "typeof":"foaf:Image", "style":"", "width":"425", "height":"282", "alt":"laptopwomanonsofa"}}]]Welcome to the Faith Deployed...Again online book club, Day Three! (Not sure what this is all about? Click here.) In Your Book: Before we begin, please turn in your copy of Faith Deployed...Again to page 32 and read "Treasures of Darkness" by Bettina Dowell. (If you don't have a book, don't go away! We'd love to have you join us for this discussion!) Now Let's Talk: Today's discussion is led by Bettina Dowell. Life as the spouse of a sailor stationed on a ship was a huge shock to this very young military wife. I had some understanding before we arrived that the ship would be deploying from time to time, but no clue about the uncertainty of the ship’s schedule and how it would dramatically impact my life. One particular night sticks out in my memory. The ship had left for what was supposed to be a fairly brief tour to Central America and was on its way back to home port. The ship was approaching the Panama Canal and as young wives, we were excitedly making plans for homecoming. Suddenly, we began receiving ham radio phone calls, one by one, that the ship was in fact not coming through the Canal, but instead, turning the other direction for an extended stay in Central America. I remember my heart feeling very broken. It was not the extra time that discouraged me as much as the disappointment of turning my heart from making homecoming plans to steeling myself up for a longer separation. [Tweet "Life as a military spouse is nothing if not unpredictable."] If you have been a military wife for at least six months, you probably have a story to share exactly like mine. Life as a military spouse is nothing, if not unpredictable. While the civilian population may sometimes be able to lull themselves into a false sense of control as their spouse goes off every day to the same job, in the same city, year after year, we have no illusions about the lack of control we have over our futures. This can be not only frustrating, but sometimes maddening. One of the themes of “Treasures of Darkness” is control. Could you relate at all to these sentences? Something about life as a military spouse demonstrates to one in new and dramatic ways how little control we actually have over the course of our journey. Often the deep desire to control everything in our spheres of influence (and many things outside of it) springs from a place of fear. If you could relate, do you also think that your desire to control comes from a place of fear? Controlling from fear is a temptation as old as the garden. In fact, it is really the basis of the enemy’s original plot against women. Genesis 3: 1-7 tells us how the enemy came to Eve, enticed her to doubt and twisted God’s word to her. Then he proceeded to offer her not just a piece of fruit – but the opportunity to “be like God.” Now we may tend to be judgmental of our sister Eve because she was tempted by wanting to be like God, but how often would each of us trade almost anything to know the future, to allay our fears and concerns about what it might hold for us and our loved ones? Are we really that different? Of course not. And our enemy, who is not very creative, is still using the same line on us that he used on Eve. “Don’t you want to be like God?” As frustrating as upended plans and the uncertainty of our futures may be as military wives, may I propose a thought? In reality, we really don’t want the control we so often fight to obtain. We do not want to know, or be responsible for, future events. God alone has this knowledge because He alone can handle it. It was never meant for us. And when we mentally move out of our fear and release our need to control everything, we are actually releasing things into His hand. So how about you today? Where are you afraid (even if it doesn’t seem on the surface to be fear – I’m really good at disguising that fear to myself as my need to “plan and prepare”) and trying to gain control? Is it about your next move? Your husband’s safety? Your children’s future? Sisters, we have as much ability to control these things as we do of changing how tall we are – or are not. What we can control is our response in those situations where we are fearful. We can chose to find those treasures of darkness in learning to trust God in the hard times. We can listen to the truths of His word instead of ignoring or doubting them. Our civilian girlfriends will never know the unexplainable feeling of peace in sleeping through a night while your husband is a world away in a dangerous place. That is called “peace that passes all human understanding.” Just another treasure in the darkness. Discuss: 1. What is making you fearful today? 2. Is your fear causing you to grasp for control? 3. Which of these truths can you claim for your own today? Psalm 23, Psalm 118:5, Psalm 138:3, Lamentations 3:33, Habakkuk 3: 17-19

Book Club Day 2: The Words We Say to Ourselves

Tue, 2014-11-11 05:00 -- Jocelyn Green
[[{"type":"media", "view_mode":"media_large", "fid":"1076", "attributes":{"class":"media-image alignright wp-image-2318 size-medium", "typeof":"foaf:Image", "style":"", "width":"168", "height":"300", "alt":"coffee"}}]] Happy Veteran's Day!! Welcome to Day Two of the Faith Deployed...Again online book club! (Not sure what this is all about? Click here.) In Your Book: Please take a moment to grab your copy of Faith Deplolyed...Again and turn with me to page 28 to read the devotion I wrote called "Soul Talk." (You can also read it online in the free excerpt of the book, here.) Now Let's Talk: Today's discussion is led by Jocelyn Green. The other day at the coffee shop, I couldn't help but overhear a young woman say, "I am the boss of my own life." Apparently the young man she was talking to asked her to repeat herself, because again, but with wider eyes, a nodding head, and a louder voice, she said, "I am the boss of my own life!" Let's face it. Most of us, if not all of us, want to be in control of our lives. And the uncomfortable truth is. . .we're not. Not really. In Faith Deployed. . .Again: More Daily Encouragement for Military Wives, I share a story about how my self-talk became a negative, self-fulfilling prophecy until I replaced my words to myself with truths from Scripture. On the flip side, I believe that self-talk that gives ourselves too much credit (as in being "the boss" of our own lives, or not needing help from anyone) is just as misguided and damaging. [Tweet "What we tell ourselves matters."] [[{"type":"media", "view_mode":"media_large", "fid":"1077", "attributes":{"class":"media-image alignleft wp-image-2316 size-medium", "typeof":"foaf:Image", "style":"", "width":"193", "height":"300", "alt":"selftalk"}}]]In her book Self Talk, Soul Talk, Jennifer Rothschild says: Control over the events of our lives is a pleasant daydream at best and a cruel fantasy at worst. Even so, we all seem ready to embrace the mirage. That's why we get angry and feel discontent when we lost control of a situation we feel we ought to have a handle on. We act as though we've realy lost something, but we never truly had it at all. (page 104) How true! This would be a bitter pill to swalllow indeed if we thought we were completely at the mercy of the government, or the military, or natural disasters, or international conflicts. But even though it may seem this way, God is ultimately in control. "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps" (Proverbs 16:9). "I form the light and create darkness,  I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the LORD, do all these things" (Isaiah 45:7). Even things which seem to fall under the category of "chance" or "coincidence" cannot escape God's will:  "The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the LORD" (Proverbs 16:33). In her book, Rothschild goes on to point out the certain things we do have control over, no matter what. She says: We have control over our own attitudes. We have control over our responses to circumstances. We have control over our choice to seek God. We have control over our determination to be still before Him. We have control over our choice to acknowledge that He is God--and we are not! (page 104) Personally, the times when I'm the most frustrated are the times when I feel most out of control. I need to change my self-talk from "I need things to go my way!" to the more truthful soul-talk of, "God is still God, and He is in control." I need to remember what I do control, and align my energies accordingly. Discuss:  What do you sometimes tell yourself that causes more discouragement? What Bible verse should you claim instead?

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